But He is faithful and He hears our heart and answers in His time. So there I am, brushing my teeth and getting ready to crawl in my mosquito netting for the night (Again, I really don’t make these up. He speaks to me at odd times) when I hear Him.
“You are here to say goodbye, let her go”
So I broke down a little bit, not wanting to listen. But I did and when I started listening some more I understood. This is the short version. Since being introduced to her, I had a vision, a desire, a want. I wanted to bring her (to our) home. I held on to that for such a long time. Up until the week we left, even knowing I would not be seeing her, I was still checking the Zambia information site to see if they updated their adoption requirements. Until God told me to let her go, I had no idea how tightly I had been holding on to the idea of her. I was expending a considerable amount of time and energy in this vision, when it was not His vision for us. I had to say goodbye and let her go in order to be able to devote my heart to His plan for us in this moment. This wonderful domestic adoption path He has set us on. I see now why my heart has not been fully open to the idea of domestic adoption He has placed in front of us; it was because a part of my heart was half a world away. So I said a tearful goodbye in my heart and let the vision come to an end.
As it should be.
As is His will.
And felt peace…
So I returned home and wouldn’t you know, with this new found direction and renewed strength, we have finished our Home Study paperwork. Yeah, God is good. It was put in the mail today and we have our 2 day mandatory training in 2 weeks, with home visits to follow in the near future. I am humbled by what God can accomplish through me when I choose to surrender and follow. And I feel hope…