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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

The (not so little) Change

     So the change....Remember when I said the plan was all laid out?  Well apparently that was my plan and not His.  Every once in a while, God brings me back to His plan and reminds me of that.  So when I called to check and make sure our adoption specialist received the application, we discussed some things and she told me she had been seeing a bit of an increased need in the area for domestic infant adoption.  I let her know I would talk to my husband and we would let her know either way, but I was totally not feeling it.  So what was once a set plan was turned on its ear again, just when I finally got my rear in gear and actually got started with the paperwork.  So let the inner voices and turmoil start again!  Luckily I had been through this before and knew which voice I needed to try and focus in on.  A part of me wanted to stomp and pout, we were on our path, we were doing good!  They other part of me was wondering, "I had received so many confirmations" Did God change his mind???  Something that stuck out was in our formal application one of the questions is "Are you willing to consider other countries if there is a need"  Obviously we answered yes and it occurred to me that would include our own country.  "But all the signs for China.." So after two weeks of the incessant back and forth in my mind, I finally listened to my husband.  "What" I'm sure you are asking, but surely you guys discussed this before you are thinking.  Yes we had, but I didn't listen.  So after two weeks of this I am sitting in the line to get my oil changed (Seriously, I don't make this up. My aha! moments occur in the weirdest places) and it occurs to me.  "Could my sign be as simple as wanting to honor and respect my husband's wishes"  Ahhhhh, peace.  See I knew what my husband's preference was; he has always wanted to go domestic.  That wasn't where I was feeling called so I forged ahead with my decision wihtout realizing this was a decision we had to be aligned on.  So I consulted with my "all things spiritual and adoption" related dear friend (who is so much more than that but I can't extoll all her virtues in a blog post!) and she verified what I was feeling as a change of heart that would align both of us to God's plan for our family.  So rarely does my husband have an opinion on anything, I try to pay attention when he does.  So we had the best discussion since deciding to adopt and talked about doing both China and domestic at the same time but decided that would not be financially responsible.  So the decision is.....We are going Domestic Infant Adoption!  I can't explain, but God's peace has been with me since I decided to respect my husband's opinion, no more voices or indecision.  Just....Peace.  So pray for us as we head down a different path and pray for God to move in my heart concerning this change.

     So what about China?  Why is it on my heart?  Why did I have all those confirmations?  Only God knows and I am excited to look back on this in 10 years and may be able to answer those questions, because he put it on my heart for some reason.  Maybe just not for right now.....

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